I had dreams, especially for this time, but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I have today become. Insights and perspectives ever so different from what it was meant to be, even as recent as a year ago, and yet the evolution continues unabated, sometimes now even on a per minute basis. So much so that if the face changed with each of my newly evolved self, I would’ve become so unrecognizable by those who saw me as lately as a week ago. If these changes reflected on my skin colour (as the chameleon would change colour to be in tandem with that of it’s environment), I surmise that by now I would’ve exhausted all the colours in the visible light spectrum, done mashups and mixups, careered into the invisible colour spectrum and by now be closing up on the remnant of the mashups on that front as well.
The only description I can aptly apply to me now is NEFELIBATA.
I used to be Bohemian but I’d rather not even have a tag if I could, but it is almost anathema to be without a tag these days. Hence, if I have to go under a tag, that alone seemed most appropriate for now. I am under no illusion that providence may push me to accept another in future as conditions change, but this is where I am at the moment and I am not ashamed to wear it.
But I didn’t get to be here by chance, compromises and modifications made, and still makes me. Experiences have shaped me, and some of the things I used to hold as tenet no longer hold much water for me, just like many of those I presently hold may not be there tomorrow. I have since stopped fighting change, becoming more heraclitean by opening myself wide enough to accept new things without necessary losing myself to them, as would zombies. Only accepting new ways of thinking after fully convincing myself of the veracity of the path. Nothing anymore is either black or white, from where I stand, just shades of grey and in the moment I swam in that pond I lost my judgemental self, noting my imperfections and appreciating same in others. Though that is no excuse for accepting to tow the wrong path only, especially when it will bring ill to one’s neighbour, I have come to understand that even the worst of humans have some good lurking somewhere in him, from which many who encounter him may stand to benefit even in the very rare times he exhibits kindness.
I tend to query the veracity of anything that is held as truism by a MOB nowadays, and that’s besides the fact that non-conformity was thrust ‘pon me from birth. I even have my doubts about democracy, though a better alternative to it I am yet to find, and I’m sure you would entertain doubts too if you had witnessed elections in Burundi and Nigeria this year, where the aftermath has been political instability for the one, and a legitimization of a fraud for the other. Discovering the words of Alcuin (804 – 735, A.C.E.), who in his retort here reproduced said –
“Nor should we listen to those who say, ‘the voice of the people is the voice of God’, for the turbulence of the mob is always close to insanity” – in regards to the thoughts of the majority hasn’t in a little way swayed my current thoughts about the majority, which totally mortified any support I might have earlier had for a thing because it came off the “VOICE OF THE PEOPLE” and thereby right because it is the “VOICE OF GOD”, especially when you juxtapose that with the “AYES” of the majority in Nigeria’s House of Assembly for a bill that stands commonsense on its head.
But this isn’t to say that the majority or mob is always wrong, but deciding to join the mob shouldn’t be just because it feels right to do, or because it will be difficult to swim against the tide. Many of those things that have helped civilization were those which when they were propounded sounded “off” to the spectators, while the propounders were referred to as heretics or even worse. Even Yahshua said as much when he admonished thus, “Enter ye in at the strait (narrow) gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:” (Matthew 7:13) hence these days even within groups I belong I tend to find a cause to differ no matter how incongruous when it appears that everyone is swayed in one direction only, before reluctantly accepting to follow if a unanimous decision is expected. Many times my assertions may not be right, but the few times I am right, I am humble enough not to gloat.
There are things about me that have remained same though, philosophies I haven’t attempted to change or give up for anything. The late Dr. Agbelusi’s admonition (which I wrote about in PROFESSOR AGBELUSI, LIVE FOREVER! | madukovich’s cogitations https://madukovich.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/professor-agbelusi-live-forever/ after I was intimated of her demise) to me more than a decade ago for instance, that “there’s no hurry in Life”, remain evergreen with me though I didn’t immediately subscribe to it, but when I eventually did I found myself moving even faster than I did when I ran life ‘pon the speed mode. I am no longer fixated on “40”, and how I could be a fool if I couldn’t point to an abundance of tangibles at that time have long ceased to bother me, as I am no longer preoccupied with attaining that benchmark, especially now that I understand that life isn’t a sprint but a marathon, even when it is short lived. My attention has since shifted to the quality and the appreciation of every bit, rather than the quantity of and in life.
I used to be very bothered about legacy and what to leave behind while I’m gone, knowing full well that today’s activities become tomorrow’s legacies, but I doubt that I think seriously about such things now. Infact, my intention for authoring a book or books in the past was driven by my need for a legacy but with the volume of books out there, in their hard and soft copies, one would have to be a God of Writing to attain the same immortal status as ancient Greek Philosophers who have managed to live through centuries, if not millennia, even with us with their words on parchment, or quoted by others whose words survived the vagaries of time. But that isn’t the source of my discouragement, and that isn’t saying that I am discouraged either, it is just that looking for legacies somehow has a way of limiting one, and my new found status accommodates no limits. I say this because I have seen people who live straitjacketed lives in their pursuit for a legacy, and others who would do anything (including denying their fellow humans life) just to ensure an “untainted” life in a bid to assure themselves a legacy after them. Unfortunately, many of those whose legacies we celebrate today never went out of their way in search of one or worked towards it one way or the other. When it comes to legacy, it’s totally out of the hands of the one seeking it, and you can’t force it down the throat of descendants or people and society that will live after you by erecting physical or intangible monuments (like many wealthy people and politicians are wont to do), as such could easily be torn down by an “errant” future generation, though legacies have also been known to be rehabilitated by generations following one that totally disregarded it, as we have seen done with and to Kong Fu Chi (Confucius), even Tutankhamun (amongst so many others) in time past and as now.
I’d say in concluding, that the best artist’s impression of me now, would be the one where the artist throws (and continues to throw) oil paint of different colours (of different hues, timber and shades) as dots and strokes on
canvass, and though I may come off multicoloured in a dynamic milieu on one thing though, I remain as resolute as I have been since I came to be me, and that is on the issue of the belief in a SUPREME BEING and Creator. At several points in my life, I have entertained doubts especially in trying times, which haven’t let off one bit (rather have become more challenging, the sort of which they say the land has become iron, and I responded by becoming brass), I have better understanding of issues now than in the days when adverse conditions shook my faith in the MOST HIGH, as I have now learnt to ask HIM not to reduce my challenges but to give me a broader shoulder to carry them. I believe that I couldn’t have made it thus far without YAHWEH who hasn’t considered my shortcomings and unworthiness in doing right by me. HE alone is worthy of Praise. To him only I bow, so I can stand before men.
– The Holy Bible: King James Version. Iowa Falls, IA: World Bible Publishers, 2001.