It’s now THREE years since she tied the knot with her friend, her lover, and kinda interestingly her mentor. He changed her life totally, definitely from the peaceful direction it was headed for, to the interesting one she found with him today. They’d dated more than five years before he finally asked her to marry him, though it appeared to be the likely outcome not just from the way she saw it, but from what family, friends and acquaintances saw and affirmed. One of his friends even said in her presence that he’d have to divorce her to break up with her, when they were obviously not married. In the eyes of many including her rivals, they were like a match made in heaven.

He didn’t land on her hands on any kind of platter, but rather she fought for every inch of him because he was one that was easily distracted, especially when it came to do with the opposite sex. If there was any example for “one, chasing shadows”, her man personified it. She felt it was her responsibility to guide him aright. She couldn’t even trust him with any of her friends, not even her best friend whom she did everything within her power to prevent meeting with him by chance or otherwise. She only allowed it after her friend got married and delivered of her first child, and even at that observed both of them closely to ensure that there was no hanky-panky when she turned her back. She was embarrassed when her friend mooted before him, her joy at finally meeting him after all attempts were made by the “powers that be” (and staring in her direction) to frustrate their eventual meeting.

Her man isn’t someone you could call a womanizer or philanderer, infact he comes across to many as someone who is shy and he sure is, but once he becomes obsessed with a lady, with the intention of laying her, he simply asks, and unfortunately more often than not, he gets his way, and to make matters worse, because for him it’s businesslike, he simply calls up such when he feels the itch, knowing he could only get a “yes” or “no” answer. If he gets a “no” he simply calls up the next person on his list. She appeared to be the only one that reached beyond his periphery which is why they remained together this long, even making up after breaking up. It must be her destiny to make him the man he must be, she thought.

Interestingly, she met him at a time he was just putting an end to a relationship where he came off feeling betrayed. She also had just ended one with her first boyfriend, and wasn’t looking forward to anything romantic, he was just meant to be a fling after their first chance meeting. He was sophisticated, though not as handsome as her ex, but he had this warm personality that belies a hard part that only very few people close to him experienced after a while of getting acquainted with him. After that first meeting (which is in itself another long story), she knew she’d like to see him again. She literally asked him to “jump”, and he responded in kind with the proverbial, “How High?”, when he swallowed the bait. What she didn’t bargain for was the fact that he attempted to have sex with her, when she visited him for the first time. She’d have known that he was that sort of guy when she noticed there was just a large mattress on the floor in his one room self-contained apartment back in the day, but many men his age lived like that.

He didn’t force her, he simply swept her off. Besides the fact that his sumptuous lips appeared to be shaped for kissing, he was a good kisser. She always tried avoiding getting into the emotional kissing scenario with her ex because she always came up with a swollen lip after each encounter, that guy was that crude. This one, made kissing heaven, and when he performed his magic on her, she didn’t know when her bra became unlatched, but she didn’t mind that her breasts were now dangling free, with tits engorged like twas going to be ejected from her areola. She also didn’t mind been fingered down below, but how her panties got to her knees was mystery to her, but she didn’t want him to stop kissing her. Somehow, she was now lying on his bed, from the sitting position from whence they started, and he on top of her, but as he made to enter, she stopped him. This was ridiculous, how could she have let her guard down so low before him, just after a second meeting, the first in his place? He was gentlemanly enough to apologize, but she could tell that he became uninterested with everything else that happened afterward. She made up her mind not to come see him again.

She did see him again, not only because he kept calling her, initially to apologize, then later to talk about things generally, but because she also did want to see him. She knew he would attempt to come at her again, and she decided she would also take the plunge if he wanted. She’d probably enjoy this while it lasted, till a more responsible Man comes her way. It appeared they had same thing in mind (what will become a hallmark of their relationship), because the next time she visited, they simply dug into the trenches. He didn’t have a long stick like her ex, but he made a magic wand of what he had, and though she wasn’t a virgin, she was officially deflowered that day. She knew then that she will come back again, and again though it never occurred to her that she’d be married to him, he just didn’t seem prepared for it.

She came back many times afterwards, and they did it, not only in his apartment, but everywhere, at his parents’, his friends’, his sisters’, her aunts’, and after he’d been introduced to her parents, at her parents’, just everywhere they could find ten minutes of privacy, even when the occupants of the house were in an adjoining room. There were no hallowed grounds for them, just last week they both laughed at how hungry they had been for sex back then, and the awkward places and methods they exploited and explored to satisfy what seemed then an insatiable hunger and thirst, oftentimes even when she was menstruating (like on an occasion he was going to be out of town for work for months).

She knew while they were still not calling what they had a relationship, that he was still seeing other women but that didn’t bother her even when she was seeing no one. She was content with the fact that he always had time for her. Once when he broke up with her over some trivial issue and effectively stayed away, and seeing another girl, she couldn’t bring herself to commit to another, not like she didn’t try, she did but it looked like almost lowering her standards and the homo habilis of a guy wasn’t even content with just a platonic relationship. After, about two months she called him, he showed no reluctance to pick her call. To his query as to why she called, her response was that she wanted to come back into his life. That, she thinks was the turning point, and though they both didn’t officially declare it, when (she thinks) their relationship climbed a notch higher.

He structured his life afterwards (a feat she ascribed solely to her prudent management of his affairs, especially financial) and three years after that, they got engaged and weeks after got married. Marriage didn’t temper his sexual appetite. She didn’t think he was a sex addict but he worked hard and kinda sees sex as his way to let off steam. She knew he wasn’t rid of his philandering ways, and was totally shocked that he had the effrontery and total lack of respect for the institution of marriage when by a stroke of luck she stumbled upon the fact that he’d slept with one of his former female colleague whom he’d invited for their wedding, and had stayed with them during the period as she came from out of town to attend the wedding. Though he claimed he only had her a day and the next after their wedding only, she believed the same was the case in the days before the wedding when they had the house to themselves.

That huge betrayal and the accompanying heartbreak (worse than what she felt sometime ago when he infected her with a sexually transmitted infection, and had these raised though painless papules on his penis, she’d appealed to him then to always use condoms when having conjugal activities with the women he encountered on many of the numerous journeys he was wont to embark upon) cost her her pregnancy that was in it’s early days, as she slipped into depression. He apologized and claimed responsibility for all that happened with the lady. For once in her life she contemplated suicide, then divorce but she’d just been married for less than a week! She didn’t even know whom to confide in, and the fact that she had to stomach all of that made the pain even more unbearable.

Whoever said “Ignorance is Bliss” wasn’t wrong, she would’ve continued to believe that he’d changed for the better had she not rummaged through the messages on his phone. He’d formed the habit of routinely deleting them especially before coming home from work, but sometimes he slips and that’s when she catches up on his activities. She noticed that even his call records appear doctored, and the names of his contacts are stored in codes. He’d become now more mysterious than he was before they got married, though he continued to provide and fulfill his responsibilities to her as her husband, and to family members on both sides as the man he was.

Her inability to conceive after that one miscarriage had been the singular most traumatic experience for her since they got married three years ago. When he eventually agreed that they see a doctor, the news that he had a low sperm count depressed them both, and the days following the discovery (every month) that she was yet again menstruating saw him relating to her like she was a stranger in the early days, before he appeared to have gotten over it. Interestingly, his mother never taunted her about their situation, he’d told his mother the truth about their condition and had encouraged her to tell hers too. She’d been having problems with members of his family, but those reduced after he made the unfortunate disclosure to them. Interestingly, it was her mother that appeared to even taunt her and her husband more over their situation. His position interestingly was that he would wait upon the Almighty, which should encourage her except for the fact that she knew that if he’d have to go spiritual to save his life, he’d rather die. It appeared to her that he’d closed his eyes to the possibility of fathering a child and has simply faced other aspects of his life like it didn’t matter. Unfortunately, the society they were a member of, always associated childlessness with the woman, and she has been inundated with a zillion “solutions” by friends and foes alike, she even tried some, plunging a sizeable amount of the proceeds from her business into some cures to no avail, but he simply waved off her concerns when she asked for him to try something. He would simply say he had no intention to fight his Creator, if HE feels he wasn’t worthy of having kids, then so be it, but if not then somehow and someday their most desired wish will come to pass. Infact she once wondered if he belonged to a cult, and when she queried him over that, he simply laughed off her insinuation.

She’d never stopped loving him, and though he hardly says it, she could see his love for her in his actions, in his plans for her, even after his demise (a topic he would always harp on, but she hated to hear), or when after expressing her frustrations he responded by asking her to consider a divorce, stating the much he was willing to do to ensure she didn’t suffer until she remarried. She had found over the years of their relationship and marriage that she couldn’t live without him, and so for her, divorce was out of it, she knew that if she considered it and remarried (like when her ex asked her for the last time, a year into her marriage, before going on to get married and now has a son), she would eventually cheat on her new husband with him, for to her he was irresistible, infact only death could do them part!

Three years down the line, she’s had all the extremes of emotions by him, but she is still willing to stick it out with him, FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE. Her love for him remained unconditional and she prayed not to have any cause (especially for him not to give her any cause) to reconsider. She thinks now, that it’s her destiny to take care of him, all she seems to want of him is appreciation, unfortunately in recent times he appears to be doling such out sparingly. She resolved there and then that on this anniversary she would have a small tete-a-tete with him, her sacrifices must be appreciated. She will demand it, and she must get it. Then she smiled when she saw their wedding picture, it seemed like yesterday, they had high hopes, they still have them, and once there’s LIFE, there’s HOPE!



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