An empty cot

3 Hope Street,
Terra Firma
March 15, 2014

Dear Unborn Child,
How are you? I hope this letter meets you in Peace.

Your Father was listening to Tupac’s ‘LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD’ and thought to also do you one, not necessarily because he thought he’d be dying soon and won’t have the opportunity to see you like it was the case with Tupac, but because it seems to be taking quite a while for you to show up.

By the way, I’m sure you’d like the fellow, Tupac when you come. I’ve got all his works. Though he’s been long gone, you’ll find most of his lyrics quite true regardless of your time, circumstances and place. That guy was the Best of ’em all.

Sorry for digressing, but Tupac does that to your father at all times, you’ll feel the same way when you eventually get to hear him, as I’m quite sure that like your father, you’ll have great ear for music.

Your Mum and Dad want to know why it’s taking you so long to show. They are wondering why you are starving them of the pleasure you will eventually give them in the future, today. They have giving away most of the ‘Baby Things’ they got as ‘Wedding Gifts’ to others who had need of them as the urgency dictated, with thoughts to get you the latest of such when you come.

They have become worn by the stares, and jeers of people behind their back, tired of making explanations and excuses on your behalf to those bold enough to ask them about your continued delay at arrival since the day of their wedding. Unfortunately, many in this society consider childlessness as a failure in marriage, regardless of successes achieved financially, career-wise, academically, socially, and the likes?

Do you know that your Mum has been the butt of jokes of people thinking she’s the reason why you haven’t showed up, without considering the possibility that your Father may have been firing blank shots all the while (and of course he knows, as tests and AWAY games have proven over time to yield no fruit)?

You don’t even want to know the sacrifices your parents have made, in consuming several consumables, traditional as well as orthodox medical potions and even efforts in lifestyle changes. Your father is now exercising to move from his ‘1-pack’ to ‘6-pack’, being sober for more than 2-years and still running, even sacrificed a part of daily meal for fruits-only meals amongst other adjustments (such as wearing lose clothing around the groin area which is easy for him seeing he’s never been a fan of ‘tights’, even from his teen years of the ‘Homeboy No Dey Wear Pant Era’) just to boost chances of your coming. Your mother has done even much more.

Why not just consider this couple ehn? They will love you o. I am certain that your parents will fall over each other trying to do you favours, and if you decide to bring others with you, they surely wouldn’t have any other, who though will be equally loved take the special place they have reserved for you.

You will love your Dad, he’s Bohemian and a lover of the arts, you can be rest assured that you’d be allowed to express yourself in any manner and form possible.

Your mother will pamper you. Oh UC, you have to meet this woman. Besides been a good wife, she has motherhood engraved in her DNA, she’s like mother hen, the way she even treats kids that aren’t hers, and wait for this….she’s the best cook in the world. She makes magic of the drabbest delicacies on earth with her culinary skills. You can be rest assured, that not only will you not starve, you will also eat African, Continental and Intercontinental dishes right in the comfort of your home.

UC dear, your parents have all you need for play. They play a lot themselves so there’ll never be a dull moment with them. Your father at his age still loves cartoons and Spiderman is his Superhero. UC, you will love Spiderman, animated or not. You definitely will get Spiderman outfits and paraphernalia to play with when you come. Peradventure, you find you’re not taken in by him, there are other superheroes too. I hope you will spare your father the heartbreak of going to like the rave of the moment, BEN 10. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS is a good guy, you’ll love him.

When you come, there’ll be Grand Theft Auto to play with, and your Dad will be there to teach you the ropes till you be able to beat him at his game. For your intellectual development, there’s Scrabble, Monopoly and Chess, board games and on PC. You shouldn’t be scared about school, it’s in your parent’s blood to like school, and to seek knowledge continuously.

Your grannies are the best anyone can ask for. Your parents know, they were their kids. They will spoil you silly, especially after you made them wait this long.

Just do your parents a favour, regardless of the number of sperm cells, energize one of those lazy asses to swim to your mother’s ovum, wear ‘pon ‘im head metal helmet that’ll be strong enough to break the wall of the ovum, and once your in help it attach vigorously as the current in that flowing miasma is high enough to dislodge attachments that aren’t properly secured.

UC, your parents have no preferences, you may come as a boy or girl, they do not care. You may even decide to replicate yourself in identical twin, triplet or even quadruplet, none of your parents will abandon you, rather they will show appreciation by celebrating you and your CREATOR who had deemed them worthy of such kindness, and would repay by making of you a blessing to the earth, one for which HIS name will be Glorified.

Dearest UC, your parents will be counting on you to do the needful, and help dry the tears ‘pon ’em eyes, to heal their soul.

Thank you in anticipation of your speedy response.

Yours truly,




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