Remember all the dreams we nursed while we were much younger? How we would like to be this or that, and have the best things in life, and then have all things work together for our good.

There were no pangs in getting the things we wanted or even dreamt of having in some cases. Though school wasn’t fun initially but we grew into it. Even without effort passing exams was more than assured, sometimes topping the class. There was no hurt!

Somehow, at some point or the other the honeymoon with life was going to get shattered. It happens to most much earlier, and for some others, right from the day they are born. For those who had the pleasure of having it smooth initially, it comes as a rude shock. Regardless, of the number of times life throws a ‘sour one’ at you, it takes a while getting used to. You just have to be extraordinarily ‘numbed out’ to maintain your sanity after a series of knocks from some of life’s vinegarized darts.

Those times when things begin to go in directions we’d rather it doesn’t are what I refer to the ‘Days of Adversity’. When it’s far easier for things to go wrong than go right. Periods when the simplest hurdles appear not just difficult to scale, but near impossible and even though it appeared to you like you made your best jump going at it, to others looking at you, it looked like you ran into the hurdle bringing it down as you fell with it. Interestingly, you sit by and watch as others take leaps and without effort making what appeared to you as a mountain a mere mole hill.

Then you ask yourself,
”What happened to the magic that used to be me?
At what point did I begin to become drenched by these rain of misfortune?
Could this be related to a wrong-doing?
Has recent contrary events any ‘Kharmic’ significance?
Maybe, the prayers haven’t been said enough?
Or my unbelief is beginning to become more evidently manifest (if you’re the religious type), etc,etc.”

When life throws shit at you, even actions that are usually delivered at spinal level (requiring no cerebral exercise) begin to look like rocket science. It is the simple outlook of some of these difficulties that make friends and foes alike wonder why it’s been difficult for you to ‘bell the cat’ when they can easily ‘muzzle a bull’ with one hand tied to their backs.

Some of the comments they make in your period of adversity are in the main made from an innocents’ perspective. You would make the same if you were in their shoes (or maybe not, if you are the sensitive type, to other people’s feelings that is). Among the Igbos is a saying that the toothless old man feels very awkward when the young talk about their bone-crushing prowess, that kinda throws some perspective on the feeling of the one facing an adversity amidst friends or people who are fortunate to have their nuts cracked for them by a benevolent spirit, but failed to be humble enough to empathize with those feeling the rough ends of the stick.

Adversities, and disappointments when they persists for too long and remain unbending in their attack on the psyche of the unfortunate, leads the one sometimes to question the meaning of his/her existence, even the existence of an all-knowing Supreme Being at the height of it.

There may be an attendant loss of self worth, a depletion of self confidence and erosion of self esteem. There may be failure to thrive and everything becomes bland. Life may even become a burden (50 cents aptly put it when he said ”..death gotta be easy, if life’s hard” in his hit song, ‘Many Men’)!

I’m a strong believer in change, and hard times aren’t meant to last forever. Sometimes, the best thing to do when hard times come knocking is NOTHING! Yes, you read that right, Nothing. If you will just tarry a while and quit dwelling on that part that hasn’t manifested yet, or seem not to want to manifest and pay attention to other things, eventually it will come to pass.

Remember, the multiple choice questions you wrote during examinations? You didn’t know all the answers, did you? But you never let one that you didn’t know stop you from moving to the next one, did you? Because it was a race against time, you simply moved on to secure for yourself positive grades in the questions you had ready answers to, and when you had exhausted those and had some ample time, you checked on those and ticked the ones you could remember their correct answers and left those you weren’t sure of, to avoid gambling and getting ‘marked down’ where ‘negative marking’ is norm. Such also is life. We aren’t meant to have all of the answers in life, some things are meant to just be beyond us, many of the things we have didn’t necessarily come to us because we deserved them, and the ones we lack not necessarily because we are undeserving of them. Truly, Time and Chance happens to one and all.

Just like physical load, adversity may weigh heavy but it builds us. Maybe not physically, but character wise. Each experience, a reservoir of ready knowledge to tap from when future distress again presents howbeit in a different form or for citing when someone else is faced with similar discombobulations.

You may or may not have friends to walk with you at this time, but would you blame them? Would you not do same and/or worse? Only very few people tag with ‘losers’, but being a ‘loser’ is a head thing. If you do not see yourself as one, even though your predicament suggest so, then you can’t be a loser.




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